Sunday, March 11, 2012

Start #4 HAHA.. is this going to be the last?

Look over my many previous posts. I have a friend (in heaven now) named Mallory Code. She was prolly the best person ever, Outside & In (minus the cystic fibrosis)

Anyways, I am me. As much as I try to change it, there are things that will be me, forever and always. Mallory knew this and she excelled. She inspires me and in a crazy way keeps me on track. So, I've decided if I write it down, it will keep me more on track to being the best Erin I can be...(no I am not an Army brat or ever plan on enlisting, um... boot champ? impossible. 'nough said) I need to stop trying to change it & accept it... yeah easier said than done... heck I got the therapy bills to prove it HA! (but seriously I do)

1.) Perfectionist I want it to work, the way I planned it in my head.

2.) Hard Impossible on myself did I mention I have issues with acceptance? I get really upset when things I think I can control do not go right.

3.) A Complete Contradiction Yes I said contradiction NOT hypocrite... I can be nuts and sometimes do not care about what others think and go on my merry way with a thousand silly looks & comments said under breaths... BUT other times I care way tooo much.

example #1 I cannot spell worth crap, sometimes spell check cannot even decipher the words I'm trying to write

example #2 why this blog has so many starts, do people really want to ready all my crazy? do I really wanna show the world my crazy?

example #3 I wear dressy clothes to work every day, but I'm a chemist and its silly being so dressed up to go in a lab, (yeah ruined a ton few shirts) I'm more professional looking than anyone there, but I like it so humph!

4.) I get weighed down by my past I forget I'm not the only one in this world. So, when things happen or I remember grammar school (hell) I get ashamed/depressed when I need to realize its the past, its happened to everyone & I'm not that person anymore

5.) I cannot see what others see... me? a survivor? strong? um... no I pretty much glaze over the sucesses and concentrate on what went wrong. (see number 1&3)

6.) I'm creative and I love it.... I miss planning parties/weddings, scrapbooking, painting whatever... I makes me in such a good mood (yes I still niut pick my final product) & I need to make time for it

7.) great at excuses I should go to the gym, I don't. ... figure the rest out for yourself

8.) STUBBORN as all hell... yeah you can tell me something till I'm blue in the face but I need to fall flat on face to really get it

9.) I'm sarcastic  maybe to the point where it gets me in trouble

10.) I occasionally lack common sense, but stupidity drives me up a tree

I have NO idea what song it is.. (hell I have an ipod still in its shrink wrap from 5 years ago) but
"this real"
"this is me"
and no the parts of the song do not fit in the blog!

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