Thursday, June 7, 2012

Tall People = DO NOT READ

I’m short, I will forever be short and my only hope to have average height offspring is to marry a giant. As a scientist there isn’t much I can do to alter this reality. Yeah you were lied to as a child “eat your vegetables, you’ll grow up big & strong” well they forgot to mention a little component called genetics.

Though there was some truth, I grew bigger than my momma. A huge accomplishment in my book!
Though my cousin might be on to something with the whole battle against genetics, her hubby is tall. Here is a HILARIOUS picture of the genetics battle my cousin’s future children will be in for.

 I HATE pants shopping. I owned the average straight leg, blue jean until prolly freshman year of college, no dark jeans, acid washed, faded or worn jeans in my wardrobe, yes I was a real fashionista. (though I did have a stint in elementary school w/ colored jeans & mismatched colored tops, such as Miss Scarlet or Colonel Mustard same color family but mismatched, real fashion statement).

Then one year I decided I wanted a pair of nice dark jeans. Simple request right? 
Yes, GAP® you failed me

(side note: I think it’s RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS to spend over $50 for a pair of pants, not to mention a huge insult to my budget)

I have wide hips, a smaller waist and short stumpy legs. Yeah, No store makes pants for that. Not many petite lines are cut well for me.

(this is not me)

  So I have to fit my hips first, get stuck w/ baggie-ness (yes I may have made that word up) around my waist. 

I hate wearing belts but hate my crack hanging out as well (sorry for being blunt). 

Those are two huge issues and we haven’t even gotten to length yet.

-    Rolling them up? seems kiddie & already look twelve I don’t need to encourage the young look

- Ankle length? they all seem to be cut funny & get stuck on my calves.

- Let them hang? Well, they get dirty, torn, ragged and get caught in the heel of my foot as I walk, um…. too annoying to deal with, I already can’t walk straight, I do not need my pants getting in the way.

- Tailoring? well, yes that works but what teenager has tailored jeans, hemmed w/o any cuff or bottom details? No need to look extra awkward. My mom is an awesome seamstress, but my requests tend to be a tad extreme.

My point ?????


Is there hope?

Small bits of hope pop up every so often, (not to mention it’s a rare feet when it occurs while I’m in a store shopping) such as this:

See these capri's

Cropped Capri's ?

Well, cropped look funny on me, I have tiny (height wise) calves, ever heard of the term high waters? Umm yes that’s what cropped means to me.

BUT these fit, in my waist & hips? Um, that is two out of three!

Wow, I sound optimistic! Let’s crush that! 

Two out of three does not work for me. I’m a glass half empty kind of girl, yes that’s on the “let’s talk about this in therapy list”

I have no need to make myself look shorter than I am and wearing pants that stop 4 inches above my ankles knocks off another few inches in my vertical disposition.
Those four inches are precious!

Well, those four inches are still part of the pant, just cuffed and stitched up. (having a mom that sews is one step up I have in my life)

I get a great idea (yeah, it was a surprise to me too)
Why don’t I take my mom’s seam ripper & try to un-stitch the cuff?

Um..... GENIUS

cannot get this to flip ughhh

Dark jeans that fit in the hips, waist and are not getting caught in the heel of my shoe as I walk!

Not to mention on clearance at Target® for $5.98 (bought these back in September) 

woop woop 

Yes, I went back and bought 3 more pairs!

4 pairs of pants that are stylish, do not require a belt, fit in my hips AND after minor surgery are long enough but NOT too long? = PERFECTION my friends

of course they are discontinued, sold-out online and no other line of pants Target® carries fit (even with minor surgery), but I got four pairs for under $25.

my life in a nut shell people

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