Tall People = DO NOT READ

I’m short, I will forever be short and my only hope to have average height offspring is to marry a giant. As a scientist there isn’t much I can do to alter this reality. Yeah you were lied to as a child “eat your vegetables, you’ll grow up big & strong” well they forgot to mention a little component called genetics.

Though there was some truth, I grew bigger than my momma. A huge accomplishment in my book!

Though my cousin might be on to something with the whole battle against genetics, her hubby is tall. Here is a HILARIOUS picture of the genetics battle my cousin’s future children will be in for.

 I HATE pants shopping. I owned the average straight leg, blue jean until prolly freshman year of college, no dark jeans, acid washed, faded or worn jeans in my wardrobe, yes I was a real fashionista. (though I did have a stint in elementary school w/ colored jeans & mismatched colored tops, such as Miss Scarlet or Colonel Mustard same color family but mismatched, real fashion statement).

Then one year I decided I wanted a pair of nice dark jeans. Simple request right? 

WRONG!!!

Yes, GAP® you failed me

(side note: I think it’s RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS to spend over $50 for a pair of pants, not to mention a huge insult to my budget)

I have wide hips, a smaller waist and short stumpy legs. Yeah, No store makes pants for that. Not many petite lines are cut well for me.

(this is not me)

  So I have to fit my hips first, get stuck w/ baggie-ness (yes I may have made that word up) around my waist. 

I hate wearing belts but hate my crack hanging out as well (sorry for being blunt). 

Those are two huge issues and we haven’t even gotten to length yet.

-    Rolling them up? seems kiddie & already look twelve I don’t need to encourage the young look

- Ankle length? they all seem to be cut funny & get stuck on my calves.

- Let them hang? Well, they get dirty, torn, ragged and get caught in the heel of my foot as I walk, um…. too annoying to deal with, I already can’t walk straight, I do not need my pants getting in the way.

- Tailoring? well, yes that works but what teenager has tailored jeans, hemmed w/o any cuff or bottom details? No need to look extra awkward. My mom is an awesome seamstress, but my requests tend to be a tad extreme.

My point ?????

IT'S A STRUGGLE

Is there hope?

Small bits of hope pop up every so often, (not to mention it’s a rare feet when it occurs while I’m in a store shopping) such as this:

See these capri's

Cropped Capri's ?

Well, cropped look funny on me, I have tiny (height wise) calves, ever heard of the term high waters? Umm yes that’s what cropped means to me.

BUT these fit, in my waist & hips? Um, that is two out of three!

Wow, I sound optimistic! Let’s crush that! 

Two out of three does not work for me. I’m a glass half empty kind of girl, yes that’s on the “let’s talk about this in therapy list”

I have no need to make myself look shorter than I am and wearing pants that stop 4 inches above my ankles knocks off another few inches in my vertical disposition.

Those four inches are precious!

Well, those four inches are still part of the pant, just cuffed and stitched up. (having a mom that sews is one step up I have in my life)

I get a great idea (yeah, it was a surprise to me too)

Why don’t I take my mom’s seam ripper & try to un-stitch the cuff?

Um..... GENIUS

Tahhh-daahhhh

cannot get this to flip ughhh

Dark jeans that fit in the hips, waist and are not getting caught in the heel of my shoe as I walk!

Not to mention on clearance at Target® for $5.98 (bought these back in September) 

woop woop 

Yes, I went back and bought 3 more pairs!

4 pairs of pants that are stylish, do not require a belt, fit in my hips AND after minor surgery are long enough but NOT too long? = PERFECTION my friends

of course they are discontinued, sold-out online and no other line of pants Target® carries fit (even with minor surgery), but I got four pairs for under $25.

my life in a nut shell people

This meant a lot to me.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng0VHqoElQc

LOVE the message, its one that is often forgotten

& the yogurt is good too ;) 

define: all

I will never claim to be an expert of the English language.  Heck, I own up to the fact that I’m a complete contradiction, but at least I know what the definitions of both of those words are and use them correctly!  (well with my twist)

I’m certainly no George Bush and I can identify the United States on a world map as well as have an educated opinion on why 1/5 of Americans cannot.  (I’m not harping on southern’s here, I’m just using two popular examples that came to mind)

Here’s my point

I got invited to a stamping party so I ran up to JoAnn Fabrics to get a few things, I see a sign that says “Memorial Day Sale, All Open stock Paper 5 for $1.00” Yes, I have paid actual price on one sheet of paper and twenty cents is still a tad insane for a piece of pretty paper, but twenty cents is much easier to deal with than 69¢ or 99¢ for one sheet of designer paper.  So, I load up; get the shiny paper, mulberry papers, vellum, a wide range to re-stock my paper reserve. 

Get to the register, I always feel awful when I buy paper, they have to scan every damn sheet, and yes I know it’s for inventory purposes but are they really going to know the difference between 5 sheets of vanilla and 5 sheets of beige?  Maybe they could just do all the same type. Plus, at this store, they can’t scan one sheet and type in the quantity.  It takes forever, not to mention a 2-yard long receipt and the dirty looks you get from other customers waiting on line. 

So, with my huge stack of paper, I go to check out, smiling, nicely handing each different color or type to the cashier in their own groups.  After about 12 minutes at the checkout, she says my total.  Um…. about $30 way way WAY over than I estimated.  I question it, and ask the prices/sales on a few items.  I realize some of the paper I purchased rang up only 50% off (the current month’s deal) NOT the special Memorial Day sale, all open stock paper 5 for $1.00.  I had stocked up the pricey papers, originally $1.00-$3.99. Even 50% off a $3.99 sheet of paper is still ridiculous.

(now remember this is post 12-15 minutes of ringing up my order)

I mention the sale; the clerk says the deal only rang up on some of the paper but not all.  I push the issue, because of principle and the strain that total would have on my bank balance.  She talks into her walkie talkie thing saying “a customer claims all paper is 5 for $1.00 but some are not ringing up”….NO answer, since the line was growing, she suspends my order and helps other customers waiting in line, while waiting for an answer.  (she asked me if I minded and it was fine with me) Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass and I growing slightly impatient speak up, but still nice, after all she’s just doing her job it’s not her fault.  She talks into her walkie again, now around 25 minutes into this check out. 

A manager finally shows up.  The clerk explains the situation, then the very unpleasant manger says, “it’s only some papers in certain price ranges that apply to that deal” Now, I’m a bit annoyed, I had been waiting, got dirty looks from all these people in line and this manger is giving me attitude?!?  I protest and with a smart tone the manager snaps, “come with me I’ll show you.”  I’m thinking perfect, I’ll prove you wrong.

It now became more than an issue of saving thirty dollars but proving a point and putting this lovely manager in her place.  She struts down to the paper aisle and I point to the sign saying “Memorial Day Sale, All Open stock Paper 5 for $1.00.”  Mind you, there is fine print but no asterisk after the advertised deal.  With an attitude that my mother would have smacked me across the face with reads, the manager the size 8 fine print, “sale valid from this date to that date, excluding clearance items, all open stock paper,” then pulls the sign off the clip to finish reading “regularly priced 49¢-79¢”.

I argue that the HUGE print says ALL with NO asterisk and the fine print is half covered by the clip holding it up.  PLUS the fine print is NOT mentioned in the flyer.  I ask her what is her definition of all is.

According to Webster-Meriman Online Dictionary the word, all is define as “the whole amount, quantity or extent of; every member or individual component of; the whole number or sum of”

The manager snaps a definition similar to the one above.  I point to the sign above the more expensive papers and ask why is it there, if these papers are not on sale?  She claims it was put there by mistake, so I say; ok let’s take it down, she claims she cannot be bothered by that.  That pushed me over the edge; I had a pleasant but direct tone until then.  My tone switched to one with a bit more attitude.  Until then I was willing to accept an answer, even if it did not end up with all of my paper being 5 for $1. 

I question WHY she can’t be bothered.  HOW can all have exclusions? WHY there is a discrepancy between the sign and the deal advertised in the flyer? HOW this is legal? Did she realize how contradictory she was being? Does she know how misleading this is?

Her response was, this is the sale and situation, either accept it or do not…… are you kidding me????

I’m ticked, realizing I’m getting NO-WHERE, I saying fine I only want the papers 5 for $1.  She walks back up to the register with me, looks at my suspended order on the computer and I tell her please void all the paper that was not 20¢.  She has to do this sheet by sheet, it was about 65 sheets of paper.

Reminder that this purchase was my “paper stock up purchase”, about 100-125 sheets of paper plus other items.  The manager had to go back and void EVERY SINGLE PIECE of PAPER.  She couldn’t just cancel the order….  THEN the computer froze!

So she had to go to another register and re-ring up my order minus the falsely advertised papers. She was having an internal fit.  It was hilarious.

My point is that this nasty manager or the big wigs at corporate need to look up the definition of ALL.  Look up the meaning of false advertising.  Look up the meaning of an asterisk and exclusions apply.  Learn how to admit a mistake.  Learn the qualities of a good, successful business practices.  Most importantly take a class on customer service.

ALL of the above needs to occur.  NO FINE PRINT.  ALL as in every item, the entire stock, the complete list. Nothing left out, no exclusions, not only the ones you feel necessary but ALL.

I will not mention the sneaky sly practices this company does with their coupons, by issuing an awesome coupon for any regular priced item but puts practically everything in the store on sale.

**** Oh yes I sent a letter to corporate as well. This particular store has some lovely employees but this lady left a bad taste in my mouth.  I know she might have had a bad day; I was nice until she whipped out the attitude.  Hello, it’s your job!!!!!! Yeah there are parts of my job I hate and I don’t always have a huge smile on my face, but I still treat people with respect.

Gross BUT True

I’m not the most graceful and as much as my mom has tried I’m not really a lady. I DO try but as hard as I try, I have never fit into a box or certain classification.  I’m me, they only box I have ever prolly ever will fit into is an amoeba shaped box, no defined shape or definition, just its all there. (kind of like a Jackson Pollock painting) Plus I have curly hair & my frizz is un-shapeable, seriously a gallon of pure olive oil cannot contain my frizz. So, shapes are not my friend. As hard as I try, as much as I try to conform, it is might be a futile mission, but I’m me and super stubborn and will NEVER stop trying.

(back to my main point)

I’m no lady I hate crossing my legs, cannot sit still, speak my mind and spill stuff on myself occasionally, (not the lady lacking part but the spilling stuff on me part, is a characteristic inherited from my mother)

Thankfully my mom is an expert in stain removal.

Back to not being a lady, I am clumsy, accident prone and love to pick scabs. Well, being clumsy, accident-prone and a scab picker, blood occasionally gets on my clothing or stains some material around me.

Blood is not the easiest to get out, especially on certain materials or things that cannot fit into a washing machine.

Here is the gross part: I was whining venting talking about blood stains to my mom. She warns me her solution would gross me out BUT she swears by it. Saliva, spit, drool, loogies call it whatever you wish but it’s the best, best, best blood stain remover!! Yes, I was dumb founded and contested it and digressed on how unsanitary it is.

(FACT: the mouth is the dirties, most germ ridden orifice of the human body)

All she kept saying was try it and then brining in a few comments about enzymes but her biochemistry is limited, but knows food chemistry. (all I know about food is I like to eat it, well some of it)

Try it. Try it. Try it.

FINE MOM! I will try it. 

(this totally weighs heavily on my whole germaphobia complex)

I have only tried this with my own blood stains and my own saliva, I refuse to try it with other’s saliva or blood….

If possible do this when the blood stain is still fresh… aka wet.

(if fresh, dab the stain to soak up any wet blood)

STEP 1: Haulk a loogie on the blood stain.

(I do it on the reverse side of the stain)

STEP 2: Let it soak for a minute

STEP 3: Rub the saliva all over the stain

(I use gloves with a cotton rag or a tooth brush, I have no desire to rub my finger in my spit, even though I did suck my thumb into my teenage years)

Depending on the concentration of the stain you might need a few more loogies & elbow grease

STEP 4: Repeat until stain is gone or almost gone

STEP 5: wash your hands, the utensil and the counter top after you finish… (I do it twice….. spit…..YUCK)

STEP 6: If it fits in a washing machine, launder as usual, if not take a very diluted mixture of water and laundry soap, rub it over the stained/spit soaked area. Repeat until, the orangie-yellowish color is gone. Then rinse with pure water a few times.

It has worked for me on my dry clean only items, spit, rub, drop off at the cleaners

Like I said, this grosses me out and is a challenge for me to do. But it’s the best blood stain remover/process I’ve tried. I have tried others but this works the best.

Why? 

Well, my mom was right! It does have something to do with enzymes. Saliva is mostly water but the last 2% is composed of electrolytes, mucus, glycoproteins, enzymes, secretory IgA and lysozymes. The composition of that 2% is essential for beginning the process of digestion or break down of dietary starches and fats.

Enzymes are highly reactive proteins. Enzymes catalyze or increase the rate of chemical reactions such as digestion. Blood is composed of proteins and when they are exposed to the atmosphere, heat or some material they can react, forming chemical bonds with the fabric. Which is why blood is super hard to get out and why the blood stain should be treated as soon as possible.

The enzymes in saliva are designed to break chemical bonds and break down complex proteins and compounds (such a food). Therefore, by spitting on one’s own blood stain, one is chemically digesting the stain out of the material, without damaging the integrity of the fabric.

Isn’t science the greatest?

(and really gross sometimes)

oops

I know

I know

I know

Blog hiatus, not planned but life got in the way, blogging will re-commence soon and an explanation to come…

Maybe?

Forgive me?

Easter 2012

I will admit that I have a trying relationship with God. We fight, well I do the fighting. But deep down the strong conviction of faith is there. Yes, it’s a constant battle, (remember my favorite word is why)

During Easter Service this past Sunday, during the renewal of baptismal vows, the response was not just “I do” There was an extra definition of what “I do” really meant in each vow.  Some of those extra definitions, really, really stuck with me.

Now some of it was a HUGE reality check, many sins flooding my thoughts, but deep down I know that God knows me and I make mistakes, tons, tons…. Tons!

I may not ask for forgiveness often enough (even when I should) and only pray when I want/need something and even deliberately feed into the devil (shocking, I know). Which yes, is not any definition of a model Christian, but at times I really try to remember my faith, values and Who I serve. I have passion and I know God gave me that passion. I’m only human and NO, it’s not an excuse but a realization.  I have the foundation of Christian values and that is a part of me and comes with me through every moment in my life.  Sometimes they guide me, other times I blow them off and deliberately turn the other cheek.  God gave that strong Christian foundation to me through what my family and teachers have instilled in me.  Mix in my own free will, sinning and tons of randomness, somehow, some way I am the product.

God made ME

Yes, I feel a LOT guilt, insufficiencies, anger, sadness….. BUT there’s good parts too. I’m working to be free from my sins instead of being held captive by them.

 “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”

Romans 5:6-8

Although I googled the verse above, it spoke to me. Not giving me permission to sin, but telling me that a route to become at peace with sinning is possible, without living in constant guilt. Realize the sin, ask for forgiveness, and re-focus back to Christ, back to that Christian foundation. I’m not perfect and yes, there are sins I have yet to ask for forgiveness on as well as sins I might not ever ask for forgiveness on.

God made me.

His love for me is not based on the condition of my performances.

God knows me better than I know myself. I will never be perfect and I got maybe a zillion more sins to commit before we meet at the pearly gates, to determine if I’ll enter…. BUT I have faith, a good percentage of my actions resemble my Christian foundation. I work to be a better Erin. Some days I’m a super star at it and others, I feed into the devil and deliberately sin.

Yes, I renewed my baptismal vows.

As hard as I try, I will never be perfect. I can type it, but accepting it will be an endless battle. I will never be Mother Theresa. I can only be a better Erin.  That’s what I am working towards. My faith was renewed, renewed to allow God in more, reminded that I’m drawn to God by grace alone.

I may or may not make it to Heaven, but I have faith which leads me to God and my vow renewal strengthens my desire to seek as well as accept God in my life.

Let Him be in control.

That’s what was significant about my Easter. What was significant about yours?

Special Announcement

Happy Happy Birthday to my Rosie!

I love you SO much

Honored and Blessed to be your godmudder

ps… stop growing-up, k? thanks