I will admit that I have a trying relationship with God. We fight, well I do the fighting. But deep down the strong conviction of faith is there. Yes, it’s a constant battle, (remember my favorite word is why)
During Easter Service this past Sunday, during the renewal of baptismal vows, the response was not just “I do” There was an extra definition of what “I do” really meant in each vow. Some of those extra definitions, really, really stuck with me.
Now some of it was a HUGE reality check, many sins flooding my thoughts, but deep down I know that God knows me and I make mistakes, tons, tons…. Tons!
I may not ask for forgiveness often enough (even when I should) and only pray when I want/need something and even deliberately feed into the devil (shocking, I know). Which yes, is not any definition of a model Christian, but at times I really try to remember my faith, values and Who I serve. I have passion and I know God gave me that passion. I’m only human and NO, it’s not an excuse but a realization. I have the foundation of Christian values and that is a part of me and comes with me through every moment in my life. Sometimes they guide me, other times I blow them off and deliberately turn the other cheek. God gave that strong Christian foundation to me through what my family and teachers have instilled in me. Mix in my own free will, sinning and tons of randomness, somehow, some way I am the product.
God made ME
Yes, I feel a LOT guilt, insufficiencies, anger, sadness….. BUT there’s good parts too. I’m working to be free from my sins instead of being held captive by them.
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
Romans 5:6-8
Although I googled the verse above, it spoke to me. Not giving me permission to sin, but telling me that a route to become at peace with sinning is possible, without living in constant guilt. Realize the sin, ask for forgiveness, and re-focus back to Christ, back to that Christian foundation. I’m not perfect and yes, there are sins I have yet to ask for forgiveness on as well as sins I might not ever ask for forgiveness on.
God made me.
His love for me is not based on the condition of my performances.
God knows me better than I know myself. I will never be perfect and I got maybe a zillion more sins to commit before we meet at the pearly gates, to determine if I’ll enter…. BUT I have faith, a good percentage of my actions resemble my Christian foundation. I work to be a better Erin. Some days I’m a super star at it and others, I feed into the devil and deliberately sin.
Yes, I renewed my baptismal vows.
As hard as I try, I will never be perfect. I can type it, but accepting it will be an endless battle. I will never be Mother Theresa. I can only be a better Erin. That’s what I am working towards. My faith was renewed, renewed to allow God in more, reminded that I’m drawn to God by grace alone.
I may or may not make it to Heaven, but I have faith which leads me to God and my vow renewal strengthens my desire to seek as well as accept God in my life.
Let Him be in control.
That’s what was significant about my Easter. What was significant about yours?
